Friday, December 25, 2009

Summoned by Spirit

There are no mistakes with Spirit. This is a sobering fact this Holiday season.

When I set my life on a course of facing fears, the horrible anxiety ridden feelings of “what IF” came so fast I didn’t even have time to think, I started to deal. Deal with God for what I WANTED, when and how I wanted my life to go…..uh yea.

Sorta like getting called for Jury duty, excuses explanations and negotiating with a strange bureaucracy until all the machinations of trying to get out of it no longer work in the system of justice.
God steps in your life and says here NOW you MUST go through it, you have been SUMMONED.

I showed up for my “Summons." Having tried to broker and negotiate with God about what I thought I needed, wanted or fantasized for my life. One by one they all disappeared, the marriage, the home, security, my family, or what I thought was my family. The shocking thing is that I signed up for this on some level.

So on this Christmas Eve I had a full day of reminders from the moment I woke that, Spirit in its infinite wisdom reveals truth,when you have been SUMMONED.
The first thing I did was pick up the phone and call Debbie, whose husband last Christmas gave her a t-shirt imprinted with a cartoon Reindeer with the caption”Nice Rack”. He went on to buy 500 dollars worth of weights for himself. We were done with this man.

Debbie and I recapped our sobering 2009, after the t-shirt incident Deb and I wrestled about our marriages, and what was revealed was truly miraculous, we were in awe and gratitude of how fast Spirit ripped each of us out of our marriages, handled our house problems, and gave us both amazing supportive, loving friends and surprisingly, men, who were waiting in the wings to just love us. Knowing the hell she had survived I was so very proud of her. And I bounded out of bed with renewed hope that I too had met the call to the summons.

I then went off on a day of errands; open to what Spirit would reveal and around each corner was a truly a miracle.

A bald woman in her early thirties passed me on my way to the post office,” Stephanie?” I called, she turned and for a moment I saw her as how I remembered her, the chestnutcolored lush haired porn star who was once my neighbor. She cried having been recognized, I just held her in the parking lot. She was fighting breast cancer. Spirit had a different life for her, and she was getting ready to live it.

This was going to be an interesting day.

Christmas Eve as we all know is notorious for last minute shopping, I was getting over a cold I had no plum pudding or roast beast to cook for the holiday so I surrendered to the relentless merry-go -round looking for a parking spot. When one appeared beside a woman struggling with her grocery bags.
I got out of the car, I went over to her and said …”looks like you need some help"…and as I grabbed her last bag, I realized she was staring at me and she said “I can’t believe it is you, I was just thinking about you!”It was Deena, a former client who had struggled with alcohol for years. The last time I had talked to her was a few years ago when I was “told” to call her on a New Years morning. She had fallen New Years Eve from a drunken stupor and hurt herself badly. Deena revealed her scar on her back from the surgery she just had to correct that injury. This of course was no mistake we stood there summoned to the parking lot. No judgment of time lapsed, we just loved each other. It was a sobering miracle to reconnect.

Two months ago Spirit “told “ me that they were sending me a gift that I would never have guessed, so when I was "Facebooked" by my college boyfriend who I had decided I would never talk to again,….I paid attention. This man had bicycled across the country from Florida and was basically led by Spirit to come see me. This was a friendship I had deeply buried 25years ago and thought of no more. Our reconnection has had more sobering consequences. A healing opportunity of who we were and are was revealed. We have communicated and laughed more together in a month than I have in years. His exquisite sensitivities even more than my own, have not been accepted in the business world. He too has felt summoned to create change in his life, and the people with whom he surrounds himself.

I met him for lunch after seeing Deena and we decided to go buy a few thought provoking games for the holiday at the local book store. I introduced him to Geneva who has been a corner stone employee at this Bookstar. We told her the story of having been together so many years ago and the amazing reconnection. Geneva was eating up this holiday romance when I felt nagged to leave so we moved to the long line to check out when out of the corner of my eye I see two of my dearest friends walk in to the bookstore.

They are a couple I have loved and respected on many levels. They have seen me through my darkest of days and I have been a part of some of their most important memories. For several weeks, I have been horribly pained by an emotional distance that has come between us. I tried every way I felt how to communicate but there is no invitation from them to work through whatever they perceive our differences to be. However, I am confident Spirit summoned us to cross paths.

As I gathered up my Trivial Pursuit and Scatagories games walking out the door into the bustle of holiday shopping I was struck with the memory of when I too had punished a powerful friendship, for what I perceived as my friend making poor life choices.

This friend was smarter than most with a number PHD’s behind her name. She had helped me for years with my own life and I judged her choices as being incongruent with what she was preaching so out of fear I removed my love as a “stand” for my point of view. I guess I was just too upset with my own intense feelings of anger and disappointment instead of really talking to her. I didn't want to deal with my own feelings so I became defensive, dismissive of her journey and process . I never bothered until years later to find out what was really going on with her, and when I did I felt so ashamed in my harsh judgment. What a powerful and humbling a gift of recognition as I recapped my extraordinary Christmas Eve day. Never remove your love from any friend, you end up doing more damage to yourself.

I chose to create new memories with close friends at a different church than my traditional one for the candle light Christmas service. We all sang with joy in the blessings of the season. I felt calm and free.

Many of us are summoned by Spirit and as you know, it is no mistake. How we take on this challenge is up to us. I trust we will all be guided by the ultimate benevolence of Spirit.